Tuesday, May 28, 2013

moose vs. giraffe

We recently cut down two huge trees in our front yard. Of course, by "we" I mean "Joel." I mostly sat on our bench drinking lattes and eating ice cream.

He had never done anything like this before. In fact, I'm pretty sure he had never even picked up a chainsaw, let alone used one. So needless to say, when he first brought up this plan to borrow a buddy's chainsaw and cut down a couple of huge cedars, I was skeptical. I had visions of missing limbs and trips to the ER. But Joel assured me that he had sufficiently researched how to fell a tree (research that I am certain consisted exclusively of YouTube videos), so who was I to stand in his way?

It was a holiday Monday, and we had nothing better to do anyway, so Joel drove to his friend's house to pick up the chainsaw and get a quick lesson on how to turn it on and not cut off his arm, and away we went.

Joel did great! He didn't cut off his arm, he didn't land a massive tree onto our house or any passing cars, and he even made us a huge pile of firewood. As the final tree fell to the ground, there were cheers all around, from myself and the kids as well as some neighbours who had set up their chairs out front to watch the show.

We all learned a lot that day. Joel learned how to cut down a tree. I learned to trust my husband a little more. And the kids learned an amazing amount of totally random things.

As Joel was cutting off the lower branches, Ella started gathering twigs and greenery into a small pile on the driveway. I asked what she was doing and she told me that she was collecting moose food. She informed me that moose use their strong lips to strip the green stuff off the branches, and they even like to eat the twigs, too. It seems as though Martin and Chris Kratt are doing a great job of teaching my kids all about animals! Liam joined her in the hopes that a stray moose might wander by in the night to eat this delectable feast that they were preparing. He said to me, "If we wake up in the morning and the pile of moose food is gone, then we will know that a moose came and ate it! Or maybe a giraffe, because they eat leaves, too." Naturally, the kids then wondered what might happen if both a moose and a giraffe showed up for the food. Who would win the ensuing fight? After much debate, Liam concluded that the giraffe would win because he could wrap his long neck around the moose to debilitate him. It was one of the funniest and most interesting conversations I had ever witnessed between them. It was so cool to see them using their knowledge of animals to debate what might happen. Even though a moose is never actually going to fight a giraffe, the logic and facts they were drawing upon was pretty solid.

That day we also found a patch of mushrooms in the grass, which brought up many questions about what mushrooms are, where they grow, how we know if they are good to eat, and so on.

Liam also spent some time helping Joel drag the fallen branches, and he learned quite a bit about hard work and perseverance. I couldn't believe how long he worked for! And I couldn't believe how truly helpful a 4-year-old could be with this type of manual labour. Not once did we ask him to help, or tell him that he would be paid or rewarded for his time; he was just so excited to work with his dad and to do "real" work!

Of course, the kids also learned lots of stuff about trees as well. They were full of questions about how the chainsaw worked, why daddy was cutting off the branches, which way the tree was going to fall (and how we knew it was going to fall that way), and many more. We also spent a while looking at the logs that were cut. We counted the rings, studied the bark, felt the smooth wood underneath the bark, discovered very sticky sap (and talked about maple syrup), and saw how a new branch grows.

I love that this is how we get to learn every day! By simply doing something that needed to get done anyway, the kids (and Joel!) had the opportunity to learn and discover so many new things. By allowing the kids to be part of everything we were doing instead of keeping them "out of the way," they got to be exposed to so much cool stuff. By leaving them to their own devices instead of "assigning" them tasks or trying to teach them what I thought they should learn about trees, they were able to thoroughly enjoy the whole experience. Unschooling for the win!

Saturday, May 25, 2013

connecting with my kids

I'm going to start out with a little bit of honesty. Gavin and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch. It's not that we have fallen out of love, it's just that neither of us are getting enough sleep. Gavin has quit napping. And by "quit napping" I mean, "decided that napping in his bed is no longer desirable, but has no problem falling asleep in the most awkward of places." Places like the playroom floor while playing Nintendo DS, the living room couch, my bed, and my personal favourite, his sister's lap while watching TV (not even waking up when she moved him to the ottoman or when I vacuumed the room around him). I think the reason he is able to fall asleep so easily is that he wakes up at 5 in the morning, so he is tired all the time. Which means I am tired all the time since he spends most nights in my bed. And it's kind of hard to sleep when you have a 2-year-old beside you at 5am, yelling "MAP" to Dora on the iPad.

Because Gavin is tired, he has a lot of meltdowns. You parents of toddlers know what I'm talking about. Screaming, crying, and writhing on the floor because he doesn't want to wear the kangaroo shirt, but you can't tell what shirt he does want to wear because he can barely talk, so you take all his shirts of out the drawer, but it turns out he just wants to be shirtless. Yep, those meltdowns. And because I am tired, I have very little patience for meltdowns. Herein lies the problem.

In my head, I know that I am the adult and I should be able to handle this. I mean, I've been doing it for 6 years now. But it's just so frustrating. I know that I don't want to yell at him, or spank him, or put him in a time-out. I know that he just needs some connection time with me, but all I really want to do is hide out in my room with earplugs.

So I have to ask myself, "Would the thing that I want to do right now help or hurt our relationship?" So, things like spanking and yelling and time-outs are definitely out, as they would just drive a wedge between us. And hiding out in my room while he screams is also out, because all he wants is to be with me. So what to do?

Yesterday, after a fantastic meltdown, I decided to take him to the park. Traditional parenting wisdom might say that rewarding this type of behaviour will only encourage it. I tend to disagree with most traditional parenting practices, however, so I think that is ridiculous. (The book Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn was an amazing eye-opening look at why we do the things we do as parents, and I highly recommend it to every parent.) So instead of removing myself from Gavin, both physically and emotionally, I decided to do something that would bring us closer together.

And you know what? It was awesome. The kids had such a fun time, but I think I got more out of it than they did. When I play and laugh and have fun with my kids, it is so easy to remember just how much I love them. It is easy to overlook the meltdowns and frustrations when I feel so connected to them. I love them fiercely and completely no matter what, but the feeling of love is easier when we are happy and connected. And the more time I spend playing with them, the more I realize just how cool they are. I love the conversations we have, I love the games they come up with for us to play, I love watching them squeal with delight as I push them higher on the swing, I love just being with them.

So even though I get angry and frustrated, I am trying to always be cognizant of our relationship. Because, in the end, it is more important than anything else. It doesn't really matter what shirt Gavin wears, or what time Ella goes to bed, or what Liam eats for lunch, or whether the dishes get done. In the grand scheme of things, those are all inconsequential. What does matter is showing my kids that I love them, being connected to them, and making sure they know that I will always put our relationship above everything else.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

fueling obsessions

My kids are obsessed with My Little Pony. Yes, even the boys. Gavin, who has only recently started speaking, and has mastered only a handful of legible words, can clearly pronounce "Pinkie Pie" and "Rainbow Dash" and knows which ponies they are. If you were to drop by my house at any point during waking hours, there is a 93% chance you would find us doing something pony related.

If you had asked me a few years ago whether I would ever let my kids watch My Little Pony, I would probably have told you that my kids will never watch a show like that - it's not "educational" enough, it's annoying, there's too much magic in it, and the list goes on. However, the further we get along this journey, the more I am learning to see my kids as people with their own interests, desires and needs. So even though I find the show to be mildly annoying, they do not. (And, if I'm being honest, it's not even that bad to watch, as far as cartoons go.) And even though on the surface it doesn't seem like they could learn anything from watching it, they are.

But it's not just about watching the TV show. In fact, if I added up all the time they spend on My Little Pony related activities, I would guess that less than 25% of that time is spent on watching the show, even though they have pretty much unlimited access to TV and Netflix. The rest of the time they choose to interact with what they have watched. They have come up with so many different games, projects, activities, quests, role plays, and more, all related to the theme of My Little Pony.

One day Ella sat at the table and wrote out a list of all the ponies that she wanted to buy with her birthday money, and worked out the spelling on her own. One day Ella and Liam decided to draw each pony on a small piece of paper so they could eventually have a poster of all the ponies. Most days they play with the pony figures, sometimes acting out a specific show they watched, and sometimes creating original plot lines for their toys. Many days they play ponies on the trampoline, each pretending to be their favourite pony. One day we searched on Google for My Little Pony pictures and printed out their own colouring books. One day we found giant My Little Pony activity books at the grocery store and they spent hours colouring and doing the puzzles. One day I introduced them to the My Little Pony website, and they had fun playing the games. One day Ella was wondering what ponies with both wings and a horn are called, so we spent some time researching that (in case you are curious, a pony with just a horn is a unicorn, a pony with just wings is a pegasus, and a pony with both a horn and wings is called an alicorn or a pegacorn or a unicorn-pegasus).

One of the coolest things I've witnessed is the day Ella wrote a book called My Little Pony. She used the ponies and their different personalities as inspiration to write and illustrate a totally original story (I did the physical writing for her, so she could focus on making up the story). Her story flowed so well, and the characters made so much sense, that it could have actually been published as a children's book. Without ever being taught about a story mountain, she wrote a story that contained all the important elements. I am convinced that she was able to do this because of all the stories she has read. She didn't need to be taught about what makes a story work, because she absorbs it in her everyday life.

Some people might say that my kids spend too much time and energy focused on My Little Pony, but I have seen the benefits of their obsession. In following this interest, they are learning and doing so much, and they are excited about it. This is just one example of our unschooling in action: we don't split our days or our learning into subjects like math or science or reading, but by simply living our lives, the kids end up learning about all these different areas. However, that being said, another important point I need to add about unschooling is that I don't sit around watching what the kids are doing so that I can mentally check off boxes whenever I see them learn something. I don't have a running tally in my head of all the "subjects" they have covered this week, I don't keep track of whether they are at "grade level" or not, and I don't try and sway their interests so that they "cover" all the things that school kids their age are doing. One of the most important things to understand for unschooling to truly work is that life doesn't need to be split up into subjects. True unschooling happens when you understand that life and learning are the same thing.

So, our life right now is a lot of My Little Pony. But that will change, as it often does. Whatever their interests, though, I will try my best to help them dig as deep as they would like to go. Because, who knows, maybe one of their interests will lead to an amazing career, or a scientific discovery, or a cool invention. Think of someone who has done something great; I bet it started with an obsession.