sleep is for the weak

I am tired. Exhausted, actually. I think I get less sleep now than when I had a newborn in the house.

When the kids were babies I was always looking forward to the future, when the kids would be just a little older, and would go to bed nicely, sleep all night in their own beds, and wake up well-rested at an acceptable time in the morning. Now I know better. When you're a parent, sleep is a unicorn. A magical, mystical, beautiful creature that you will never actually see or touch because it does not exist.

But I am learning that I need to come to terms with this stage of our lives. Slowly, and with a lot of coffee.

When I was new at parenting, I was under the impression that by the time babies had turned into toddlers, they should be going to bed at 7pm and sleeping all night on their own, giving their parents plenty of time to watch movies and read books at night. Ella was fairly easy to train into this sleep schedule when she moved from a crib to a toddler bed. We would put her in bed, she would cry a bit and sometimes come and sit by her door, but she would always go back to bed fairly quickly and go to sleep. Liam was even easier. He would fall asleep quickly and rarely made a fuss at bedtime.

And then along came Gavin. He is as different as humanly possible from his brother and sister, in every way imaginable. When it comes to sleeping, he does what he wants. And what he wants these days is to hang out with us until 10:30pm, sleep fitfully in our bed with his head on one parent and his feet kicking the other parent, and then wake us all up at 5am. Try as we might, we cannot get him to sleep unless he is good and ready. If we put him in his room at night, he will wander around, play with his stuffed giraffe, wake up his sleeping brother, empty his dresser, and when he gets bored of all that, he will show up in our bedroom (opening doors is his newest accomplishment).

The old me would have been SO frustrated at this turn of events. But even as tired as I am, and as much as I wish I could get a whole night of uninterrupted sleep, I find myself happy to snuggle with my boy when he finally decides to go to sleep. I watch him sleeping and realize that he is never going to be this little ever again. So as I lay beside him, his curls tickling my nose as I inhale his beautiful baby scent, I am thankful for one more night with him.

As we navigate this journey of gentle parenting, we are learning to be more respectful of our kids, their needs, and their desires. So if Gavin isn't ready to go to sleep at 7pm, we try to respect that. We have also learned that Ella isn't ready to go to sleep early, either. She is more of a night owl, much like I used to be. She likes to stay up until 8:30, and then read in her bed for a while before falling asleep. And in a perfect world, she would sleep in until 8:30am, but her little brothers don't always make that a possibility. Liam, on the other hand, is ready for bed by 7:30, and he needs lots of snuggling time before he can fall asleep. We are learning to respect each of their individual internal clocks and allow them the freedom to do what works best for their bodies.

So if that means that I don't get as much sleep as I'd like right now, I try to be ok with it. I try to remind myself in those moments of frustration that the kids won't be this small for long, and I'll miss these little people when they're grown.

And, who knows, maybe one day I will get to ride that mystical Unicorn of Sleep through magical fields of rainbows. You know, when the kids are just a little older.

my kids play air hockey with God

On the iPad, when they are playing one player air hockey, my kids believe that God is playing with them. Liam is especially excited when he wins a game against God, because, as he puts it, "God is SO big but I beat him!" When they are having races around the house, they believe that God is racing with them. God usually wins. When they are jumping on the trampoline, I frequently hear them talking about how God wants to play this game or that game, or about how high God can jump. My kids love to play with God.

It is not uncommon for me to poke my head into Ella's room and find her reading the Bible. Sometimes it's the picture book version and she is reading stories to her younger brothers. Sometimes it is the "real" version and she is reading to herself about creation, or Noah, or some story she heard at church. I helped her figure out how to use the table of contents and the index so she could more easily find the stories she wanted to read. My kids love to read about God.

We have many conversations about God, what He's like, where He hangs out, what He wears, what He does, and what His preferences might be. Some of the conversations are about things like what His favourite colour might be, or what foods He likes best. But some of the conversations are so deep that I am left awestruck that a child so young can have such an understanding. One Easter, when Ella was 5 years old, we came home from church and started talking about the service (she had sat in the adult service instead of going to her class). At one point during the conversation, she told me that God was like an oven. I had no idea what she was talking about, until she explained that the oven has the stove on top and the oven underneath and the drawer at the bottom, just like God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. All three sections are different, but they are all part of the same appliance. I couldn't believe that a 5-year-old came up with that analogy on her own! My kids love to talk about God.

The relationship my kids have with God is real. It is their own. It is childlike.

In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." In Matthew 18:3, Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

I do not force the kids to read the Bible. I do not make them pray if they don't want to. We do not have a specific time every day when we all have to sit around the table and do a Bible study. I do not send them to Christian School or Wee College or Awanas or Sparks or any other program in hopes that they will learn the "basics" of Christianity. (Disclaimer: I went to most of those programs myself as a child and they are great. They work. I still remember many of the verses I memorized when I was 4 years old. Our kids might do these or other programs at some point in the future.)

What we have chosen to do, however, is include God in our everyday lives. We show the kids how to pray by doing it ourselves. We read the Bible with them whenever they ask. We answer their questions. And when we don't have the answers, we look them up together. We pray with them before bed, about the things that are important in their lives. We belong to an awesome church, and the kids are excited to go each week. We talk with them about how God wants us to live our lives. We talk about love, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, peace, joy, and all those good things. We try our best to live a life that is in line with the Word of God and that glorifies Him.

I love that my kids play with God. I don't want them to think that a relationship with God is just about church on Sunday, saying grace before dinner, and being forced to read the Bible every day. I want them to read the Bible, of course, but I want them to do it because they love to do it, not because I told them to. I want them to pray and talk to God because they have something to say to Him, and because they love Him, not because they have to do it before they get to eat. I don't want to hinder them from coming to Jesus in their own way. And many times I think that my own relationship with God would be much deeper if I could treat Him in the same way the kids do - as a close friend.

an eyeball dissection

It has been months since my last post. Terrible! I kept thinking to myself, "I should really write something," but then life got in the way. For any of you who have kids at home, whether they are big or small, you know what I mean. If I get 10 minutes to myself, I am usually in the bathroom (although it's rare to be alone in there), sleeping (actually, there are usually kids there too), or trying to read one of the many books in my "to-read" pile (which are mostly about raising kids). Hmmm...

Since I last posted, we have done a million fun and interesting things, and there is no way I could write about all of them. But because I mentioned Ella's fascination with the eyeball in my last post, I thought I'd share a little about our eyeball dissection!

When Ella first told me she wanted to look inside an eye, I checked the internet to see if I could get an eyeball from somewhere. Educational supply website? Butcher? I didn't really know where to start. I mentioned my quest to a friend of mine who teaches at a public school, in the hopes that she might know where her school gets their eyeballs from. She did even better than that, though; she brought us two eyeballs from her school! When I showed them to the kids, they were so excited to cut into them.

We put on some gloves (which were kind of big for the kids, as I don't think they make "little kid" sized latex gloves), spread out some cardboard on the kitchen table (sorry to those of you who have eaten at my table since then), and got to work. At first the kids were reluctant to touch the eyeballs, but they soon got into it. We used the iPad to look up the names for all the parts of the eye, and how to cut into it. I had done this dissection when I was 13 or 14, but I don't even want to tell you how many years it's been since then, so needless to say, I had no idea what I was doing. But we figured it out, we learned together, and we had so much fun. Ella loved seeing and holding the lens, but asked that next time we cut something up, that it be something "less slimy."

I love unschooling!

living and learning at our house

When I talk to people about our educational philosophy, it's easy to explain what we believe. Kids love to learn, they are naturally curious, and they are capable of learning without being told how or what to learn. They are human beings with their own ideas, desires, preferences, and interests, just like any adult. We trust our kids. We trust that they can and will learn everything they need to know. We know that learning happens all the time, everywhere. We believe that it's important for a person to learn how to learn rather than learn a set of facts. We believe it is important for kids to be included and immersed in their family and community, rather than be segregated with age-graded peers.

People usually listen, nod and say "mmm-hmm" a lot as I talk about all of this. But then they often ask what my kids actually do all day. For a lot of people, "homeschooling" brings to mind a mom and 5 kids all sitting around a kitchen table doing math, spelling and grammar out of various workbooks. But that is pretty much the exact opposite of what we do. Literally. It's hard enough to get them to sit in one place long enough to eat a meal, let alone do a boring workbook.

So here are some real-life concrete examples of how we have been spending our days recently:

One day last week, Liam noticed a spider dropping down over our table at lunchtime. It took all of my courage not to scream and jump out of my chair and/or skin. Instead, we watched the spider. It came down, walked around the table, and did the things that a spider does. The kids and I watched it for quite a while. They were fascinated when they saw how it could walk on the edge and the underside of the table. They loved how it could attach its silk to stuff and drop down. They observed closely, described its physical features, described its behaviours, and made inferences about why it was doing the things it was doing. Eventually we let it outside. But the spider sparked a discussion about scorpions, and Liam ran downstairs to get his toy scorpion. Ella examined it and wondered where its eyes were, so we looked it up on the internet. We learned about different species of scorpions, where they live, how they see/feel, and watched some cool videos. (The coolest was a scorpion having babies - did you know that scorpions are pregnant for 18 months? Then when the babies come out, they all climb up onto mama's back. They are actually pretty cute.) Those videos lead to other videos about tarantulas, and more questions about how they see, how they catch food, what they eat, where they live, and more. We all learned so much! When I asked the kids afterwards about the coolest thing we saw, I expected them to say that it was one of the videos or learning about an exotic creature. But both of them liked watching the real-life spider much more than the other stuff. They liked the thing that was real, and that they could actually experience, even though it wasn't as "cool" as the other animals on the videos. Interesting.

One afternoon, Ella asked if she could read to me. We sat on the couch and she read two chapters out of her novel while I listened. She's a very competent reader now, and doesn't need me there anymore to help her with the words, but it was nice that she wanted to share that time with me. She mostly reads on her own now, or reads out loud to her brothers, so it was also nice to hear her reading and have a proud mommy moment at how far she has progressed.

Liam had a birthday recently and was given the game Guess Who. The kids play all the time. When I listen to them playing, I am genuinely surprised at the questions they are able to come up with all on their own. I didn't realize how much logic they possessed!

A few days ago, Ella found a journal that she had started (and stopped) writing months ago. She flipped through it and got a kick out of the way she used to write and spell words, and then she decided that she would write in it again. So she went around to each member of the family, asked them some interview questions, and recorded their answers. She asked about favourite colours, favourite places to go, favourite things to do, and favourite animals. I like that she was able to recognize for herself how far her writing has progressed over the past few months. She realized that she was able to spell more words correctly now because she reads them all the time. I think she was pretty proud of herself.

We have been putting together a lot of lego sets recently. Joel helps the kids, but Ella is also pretty good at following the directions herself. Liam mostly likes to play with the finished creations. Both of them prefer the lego that doesn't come from a set, however. They like the freedom of being able to build whatever they want.

A couple of weeks ago, we put together two shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. The kids loved walking around the dollar store and picking out presents for their boxes. At home, we packed up the boxes, and the kids coloured pictures for the children who would receive them. We talked a lot about where the boxes might go, and what life is like for the kids who will get them. That night at bedtime, both Ella and Liam (independently of each other) asked if we could pray for the kid who will get their shoebox. Ella was especially concerned that the little girl might not like the gifts she picked. It was amazing to see how deeply they both cared about the kids who would receive these gifts.

Last week, a piano arrived at our house. Joel's parents gave us the piano that Joel had learned on as a child, so that our kids could have the same opportunity. They have been playing it almost nonstop since it got here (the only rule is that they can't play while Gavin is sleeping). They practice the things they learned in their lessons, and they also just sit and play. Ella is especially enjoying it. She is starting to make connections between the keys, their names, and how they are expressed on the music staff. Joel has been playing Christmas songs (yay!), and even I have been using it to brush up on my scales and learn the theme from Batman. I think I might start playing again, if I can find the time to practice.

We bundled up and went for a walk in the woods on one unusually sunny afternoon last week. The kids threw stuff into the creek to watch it float away. We went to the playground and met a new friend (whose dad, by the way, was wearing shorts...I felt a little overdressed in a long coat, mittens, a scarf, and a hat). The kids love to be outside. I try to take them out as much as we can, even though it can be difficult in this rainy fall weather.

Last night at bedtime, Ella asked how she might be able to see inside her own eye. I explained that it was impossible to see inside your own eye, and that eyes were designed for seeing things outside the body. But we talked about what's inside an eye, we looked at a diagram on the internet, and I told her about the time that I got to dissect a cow's eyeball. She was very interested in that, and now wants to dissect an eyeball herself. Anyone know where I might find an eyeball to cut up? Hmm...


I hope that gives you an idea of how we do life. We don't force our kids to do anything. We try to say "yes" as much as we can. We help them in their learning quests. We try to offer an environment rich with learning opportunities. We give them the freedom to decide what they want to do all day (for the most part - things like swimming lessons, gymnastics and ballet obviously happen at set times). As parents, we allow them to be part of our own everyday activities, even if that means our tasks will take longer or will be harder to clean up. We try to model the type of behaviours we hope they will learn - respect, love for each other, gratitude, a willingness to try new things, a love of learning, faith in God, good communication, and so many more. We spend as much time as we can talking with our kids, having real conversations, seeking their input, and listening to them. We spend a lot of time snuggling our kids (this may actually be my favourite part of home education).

Basically, we live our lives with our kids. We value God and family above everything else, and try to make sure our actions show this. Loving each other and working together are more important than learning facts, so we focus on that and the learning happens anyway. That's what living and learning at our house looks like.

a word from God

Recently I attended a "Ladies Night Out" event at our new church. It was a crafting night. For any of you that know me well, this is kind of a big deal. I'm not the type of person who is comfortable in a large group of people, especially when I don't know most of them. And I'm definitely not crafty. Not even a little bit. (In fact, I recently went to a craft store and bought some cheap photo frames and spray paint, thinking that I would save a bunch of money by doing it myself...they are now in the trash.) So this event was the epitome of out-of-my-comfort-zone.

For the project, I had to look up the meaning of my name, and think about what it revealed about my character. I had always known that Naomi means pleasant and delightful. Pretty excellent name, right? But that evening, I found out that it also means holy. That kind of freaked me out at first. Holy? I'm not holy! I am sometimes pleasant (depending on the time of the month), often delightful, but holy? Hmm...maybe I would leave that one out of the craft.

I couldn't get it out of my head, though, so I started to think about what it means to be holy. Set apart. Not conforming to the world. These were some of the phrases that kept coming to mind, and I knew they were in the Bible somewhere. Later on, I did a search to find those phrases and found lots of verses, one of which was Romans 12:2 (NKJV): And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. The funny thing was, I had just written down that exact verse a few days earlier, but in a different version (NLT): Don't copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Huh. So maybe this is why God wanted me to go to Ladies Night Out.

I thought a lot about what God wanted to tell me through this verse, and it occurred to me that the lifestyle we have chosen is very "set apart" from the world. It seems like we have been questioning everything lately. Big things and little things. We have chosen not to be part of the school system because we knew that it was best for our kids and our family. We have chosen not to have Barbies in our house because we don't like they message they send young kids. We have chosen not to let our kids watch cable TV because we have witnessed how much it changes their behaviour and hinders their imagination. We have chosen to give our kids freedom to make their own decisions because we recognize that they are human beings with their own desires, just like any adult. We have chosen not to over-schedule our kids in activities and groups because we want them to have free time to play and just be kids. We have chosen to parent our kids in a gentle way (rather than using punishments, rewards and spankings to force them to obey), because we recognize that their needs and feelings are just as important as any adult's, and we want to treat them with respect so they will learn how to be respectful. So many of these choices are not the choices that other families would make. But I have realized that it's ok. Romans 12:2 tells us not to copy the behaviours of this world. For our family, that means making a lot of choices that might seem odd to other people.

I think God wanted to let me know that I'm on the right track. That I'm learning to know His will for me. His good, pleasing, and perfect will for ME. And that His will for me (and for our family) is going to look different than His will for other families. So I am happy to continue this journey, to keep learning, and to keep discovering what God has in store for us.

As a reminder and testament to what God is doing in our lives, I decided to make a poster of this verse. And since we all know how crafty I am, I designed it in photoshop and had it printed really big. It now hangs in our front hallway. Ella reads it every time we go out, so I hope it helps her realize that she doesn't need to copy the behaviours of this world, either.

a stormy evening

This is not my photo, but it's awesome.

Last night there was a thunderstorm. It was about 4:30 and I should have been starting dinner, but how can you ignore a thunderstorm? How can you say "no" to three very excited kids who want to sit and watch?

So all three kids and I gathered in the living room, opened the blinds, turned out the lights, and watched the lightning. It was awesome! It was the first time that Liam could remember seeing lightning, so he was especially excited. And Gavin, at 19 months, sat looking out the window for over an hour! I couldn't believe how focused they all were!

As the storm progressed, naturally, they started asking questions about storms and lightning and how it all works. I was a little surprised at myself for not knowing the answers, so it's a good thing we have Google. We learned how the thunderclouds are formed, how the electricity builds up inside them, and how the lightning finds its way to the ground. We watched some amazing videos of lightning bolts (their favourite was a video of a tree being hit by lightning and burned up). We talked about what lightning can do to the things that it hits, and about storm safety. We all learned so much!

And then when Daddy came home, the kids were so excited to share their knowledge of storms and clouds and lightning with him.

I think the best part of the evening, however, was when Ella said to me, "I love to learn new things!" And then Liam asked, "Do you know what my favourite thing to learn is? The thing that is happening right now!" They are so excited to learn! They are so awed by the simple things that I have grown to take for granted. I love being able to see the world through their eyes: discovering, experiencing, learning.

We ate spaghetti with sauce from a jar that night. But it was worth it. Spending time experiencing the world with my kids beats making dinner any day.

our favourite iPad apps!

My kids love the iPad. LOVE. In fact, I would guess that they love the Apple store more than a 22-year-old hipster in skinny jeans and a scarf, simply because of the kids table with all the iPads to play on.

When I'm looking for a few minutes to get something done, the iPad is a great way to keep them busy, especially since they don't watch TV anymore, which used to be my go-to distraction. But the iPad is way better than TV, because on top of having fun, I know they are also learning lots while they use it! Since my kids love it so much, I figured I would share our favourite apps with all of you, in case you were looking for something "educational" for your kids to play with.

Disclaimer: my definition of "educational" might differ somewhat from the standard definition. Consider yourself warned. Also, I found these apps in the Canadian App Store. If you are located somewhere else, I don't know if they will be available in your App Store (or at what cost).

Fotopedia Wild Friends

Basically this app is just a collection of photos of different animals. Many of the animals are ones I've never heard of before, and the photographs are stunning. We like to play a game where we pull up a photo and each of us guesses what type of animal it is, and then we toggle on the photo's information and see who is closest. It seems easy, but most of the time we are wrong.
Cost: FREE

DK The Human Body
I think I might like this app more than the kids do. It is an overview of all the different systems inside the human body. The graphics are awesome and the definitions are great.. There are annotations that you can turn on or off. There are close-ups of certain body parts, such as the ear or eye. There are animations of how certain things work, such as the heart beating or a nerve impulse.
Cost: $6.99

Solar Walk
This app is SO COOL. It's the solar system that you can zoom in and out of. You can check out the planets, moons, sun, and even all the different satellites orbiting the earth. There are tons of facts and info about everything, and it's super easy to use. Not to mention the pleasant music that plays in the background as you float through our solar system. I highly recommend this app!
Cost: $2.99

Angry Birds

You're probably thinking that Angry Birds isn't very educational, right? Liam plays this one more than the rest of us, and he's getting pretty good. He has had to figure out how a slingshot works (the right angles to use, the right force to exert) in order to smash the pigs structures. He plans to build his own real-life Angry Birds with balls (that we have to paint like birds), a slingshot and some wooden blocks. Very cool!
Cost: $0.99

Sudoku
Ella plays this one more than anyone else. I am actually amazed at how quickly she figured it out and can now complete a puzzle on her own. I never would have guessed that a 5-year-old could do that, but she saw me playing and wanted to try it out. I told her the basic rules, and gave her some hints, and off she went!
Cost: FREE (or you can upgrade for $0.99)

Flow Free
In this game you have to connect different coloured "pipes" from one dot to another. The pipes can't cross other pipes and you have to cover the whole board. It takes quite a bit of planning and trial-and-error to get each puzzle figured out. The kids could play this one for hours if I would let them. In fact, I'm certain that I have wasted many hours playing this myself. And it's free! This is a great game.
Cost: FREE

Doodle Buddy

This is a drawing app. You can choose different types of brushes, colours and backgrounds. And there are even "stickers." You can also save your drawings. I really like that the kids can have complete creative freedom. There are plenty of colouring book apps out there, which they enjoy as well, but they really love to create their own masterpieces.
Cost: FREE

ABC Phonics
I'm a little surprised at myself for including this app, because it's much too "schoolish" for my tastes, but the kids love it. It's very simple - there is a list of animals on the side, you tap one, the name and picture of the animal pops up, a voice reads out the name of the animal, and you trace the name. That's it. I guess it teaches reading and writing? I don't know, but Liam spends a lot of time writing on this app.
Cost: FREE

SiriusXM
We LOVE our satellite radio. I don't think I could ever go back to regular radio, honestly. The kids love the station "Kids Place Live" and I actually like it, too. The songs are fun and, best of all, completely appropriate. They know all the words to all the songs, and I know it would be the same if we listened to pop music...and they definitely don't need to know the words to those songs. This app lets us play any satellite radio station over the iPad (or iPhone), so we will often hook it up to a set of speakers in the playroom and have a dance party. Fun!
Cost: FREE (but you need to have a SiriusXM subscription, which is about $15 per month)

So there you have it. I could go on and on, because there is so much great stuff out there, but I'll stop here (for now). Do you have any great apps that you want to share? Leave me a comment! I'd love to hear about them!