living and learning at our house

When I talk to people about our educational philosophy, it's easy to explain what we believe. Kids love to learn, they are naturally curious, and they are capable of learning without being told how or what to learn. They are human beings with their own ideas, desires, preferences, and interests, just like any adult. We trust our kids. We trust that they can and will learn everything they need to know. We know that learning happens all the time, everywhere. We believe that it's important for a person to learn how to learn rather than learn a set of facts. We believe it is important for kids to be included and immersed in their family and community, rather than be segregated with age-graded peers.

People usually listen, nod and say "mmm-hmm" a lot as I talk about all of this. But then they often ask what my kids actually do all day. For a lot of people, "homeschooling" brings to mind a mom and 5 kids all sitting around a kitchen table doing math, spelling and grammar out of various workbooks. But that is pretty much the exact opposite of what we do. Literally. It's hard enough to get them to sit in one place long enough to eat a meal, let alone do a boring workbook.

So here are some real-life concrete examples of how we have been spending our days recently:

One day last week, Liam noticed a spider dropping down over our table at lunchtime. It took all of my courage not to scream and jump out of my chair and/or skin. Instead, we watched the spider. It came down, walked around the table, and did the things that a spider does. The kids and I watched it for quite a while. They were fascinated when they saw how it could walk on the edge and the underside of the table. They loved how it could attach its silk to stuff and drop down. They observed closely, described its physical features, described its behaviours, and made inferences about why it was doing the things it was doing. Eventually we let it outside. But the spider sparked a discussion about scorpions, and Liam ran downstairs to get his toy scorpion. Ella examined it and wondered where its eyes were, so we looked it up on the internet. We learned about different species of scorpions, where they live, how they see/feel, and watched some cool videos. (The coolest was a scorpion having babies - did you know that scorpions are pregnant for 18 months? Then when the babies come out, they all climb up onto mama's back. They are actually pretty cute.) Those videos lead to other videos about tarantulas, and more questions about how they see, how they catch food, what they eat, where they live, and more. We all learned so much! When I asked the kids afterwards about the coolest thing we saw, I expected them to say that it was one of the videos or learning about an exotic creature. But both of them liked watching the real-life spider much more than the other stuff. They liked the thing that was real, and that they could actually experience, even though it wasn't as "cool" as the other animals on the videos. Interesting.

One afternoon, Ella asked if she could read to me. We sat on the couch and she read two chapters out of her novel while I listened. She's a very competent reader now, and doesn't need me there anymore to help her with the words, but it was nice that she wanted to share that time with me. She mostly reads on her own now, or reads out loud to her brothers, so it was also nice to hear her reading and have a proud mommy moment at how far she has progressed.

Liam had a birthday recently and was given the game Guess Who. The kids play all the time. When I listen to them playing, I am genuinely surprised at the questions they are able to come up with all on their own. I didn't realize how much logic they possessed!

A few days ago, Ella found a journal that she had started (and stopped) writing months ago. She flipped through it and got a kick out of the way she used to write and spell words, and then she decided that she would write in it again. So she went around to each member of the family, asked them some interview questions, and recorded their answers. She asked about favourite colours, favourite places to go, favourite things to do, and favourite animals. I like that she was able to recognize for herself how far her writing has progressed over the past few months. She realized that she was able to spell more words correctly now because she reads them all the time. I think she was pretty proud of herself.

We have been putting together a lot of lego sets recently. Joel helps the kids, but Ella is also pretty good at following the directions herself. Liam mostly likes to play with the finished creations. Both of them prefer the lego that doesn't come from a set, however. They like the freedom of being able to build whatever they want.

A couple of weeks ago, we put together two shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. The kids loved walking around the dollar store and picking out presents for their boxes. At home, we packed up the boxes, and the kids coloured pictures for the children who would receive them. We talked a lot about where the boxes might go, and what life is like for the kids who will get them. That night at bedtime, both Ella and Liam (independently of each other) asked if we could pray for the kid who will get their shoebox. Ella was especially concerned that the little girl might not like the gifts she picked. It was amazing to see how deeply they both cared about the kids who would receive these gifts.

Last week, a piano arrived at our house. Joel's parents gave us the piano that Joel had learned on as a child, so that our kids could have the same opportunity. They have been playing it almost nonstop since it got here (the only rule is that they can't play while Gavin is sleeping). They practice the things they learned in their lessons, and they also just sit and play. Ella is especially enjoying it. She is starting to make connections between the keys, their names, and how they are expressed on the music staff. Joel has been playing Christmas songs (yay!), and even I have been using it to brush up on my scales and learn the theme from Batman. I think I might start playing again, if I can find the time to practice.

We bundled up and went for a walk in the woods on one unusually sunny afternoon last week. The kids threw stuff into the creek to watch it float away. We went to the playground and met a new friend (whose dad, by the way, was wearing shorts...I felt a little overdressed in a long coat, mittens, a scarf, and a hat). The kids love to be outside. I try to take them out as much as we can, even though it can be difficult in this rainy fall weather.

Last night at bedtime, Ella asked how she might be able to see inside her own eye. I explained that it was impossible to see inside your own eye, and that eyes were designed for seeing things outside the body. But we talked about what's inside an eye, we looked at a diagram on the internet, and I told her about the time that I got to dissect a cow's eyeball. She was very interested in that, and now wants to dissect an eyeball herself. Anyone know where I might find an eyeball to cut up? Hmm...


I hope that gives you an idea of how we do life. We don't force our kids to do anything. We try to say "yes" as much as we can. We help them in their learning quests. We try to offer an environment rich with learning opportunities. We give them the freedom to decide what they want to do all day (for the most part - things like swimming lessons, gymnastics and ballet obviously happen at set times). As parents, we allow them to be part of our own everyday activities, even if that means our tasks will take longer or will be harder to clean up. We try to model the type of behaviours we hope they will learn - respect, love for each other, gratitude, a willingness to try new things, a love of learning, faith in God, good communication, and so many more. We spend as much time as we can talking with our kids, having real conversations, seeking their input, and listening to them. We spend a lot of time snuggling our kids (this may actually be my favourite part of home education).

Basically, we live our lives with our kids. We value God and family above everything else, and try to make sure our actions show this. Loving each other and working together are more important than learning facts, so we focus on that and the learning happens anyway. That's what living and learning at our house looks like.

what will they do all day?

To continue my series of common questions that I began on June 18th, I would like to discuss another question that I am asked quite frequently.

Usually after I explain to someone that we are not following a curriculum, and we discuss the reasons why, the question of our day-to-day happenings comes up. It usually goes something like this: "But what will your kids do all day? I think if most kids were home all day, they would just watch TV and play video games (*insert nervous laughter here*). They would never learn anything on their own."

Well, let me ask you this: when you come home from a day of work, what do you want to do? You probably don't want to make dinner, get your kids to do their homework, give the baby a bath, wash the dishes, and put in a load of laundry. And, chances are, you definitely don't want to sit at the kitchen table and do some more work that your boss sent home with you. Personally, sitting on the couch and watching "The Nanny" sounds like a pretty good evening to me. So why shouldn't kids be the same?!?! Schooled kids have essentially been locked up in a classroom "learning" all day (OK, fine, they get 45 minutes of playtime at lunch), so the last thing they want to do when they get home is more "learning." So when we see our child at the end of a long day, we see the tired-lazy-TV-watching-video-game-playing version of that child. If this is what we see day in and day out, it is hard to imagine that if we pulled this kid out of school, he would do anything other than that.

But I would like to suggest that every child, given the freedom, would choose to learn. However, the problem with sending kids to school is that we are training them from age 5 (and some even age 3 at preschool) to believe that learning is something which primarily happens in the classroom, with a teacher. And by about age 7, they believe that learning only happens because the teacher requires it. They believe that the reason for learning is to pass the test, do the worksheet, or complete the project. Sure, some kids enjoy the busywork of school, but many more kids see it as either boring, or pointless, or something to just get done so they can can get on with their real lives.

But what if children were never exposed to this "learning because I have to" mindset? Think about your kids (or any kids that you know) when they were babies or toddlers. Learning was as natural as breathing. Every moment of every day was spent learning something important, and they loved it! Before school age, children learn to walk, talk, play, explore, think, reason, run, jump, pretend, share, create, dance, perform, and so much more. So why is it that when a kid turns 5 years old, we think that now learning needs to begin? The child has been doing it all along! If we just leave these toddlers alone, they will continue to learn as they grow, and they will enjoy it.

I offer some examples from my own children. As you are probably aware by now, I do not require them to learn anything. I do not have workbooks that they must fill out every day, or textbooks they must read, or mandatory subjects for them to study. They have been learning from the day they were born, and as they have grown, their learning has become increasingly more complex. They have shown interest in a huge variety of topics, and I have been a facilitator, allowing them the freedom to explore, and offering them help when they wanted it. They have amazed me time after time with what they are capable of!

Liam, at age 3, knows all his letters. I had no idea he knew the letters until the other day when he wanted to make a magazine for his daddy for Father's Day. He asked me to tell him the letters to spell out the words he wanted to write, so I told him the letters as well as how to write each of them. After I had explained how a few of the letters looked, he turned to me in frustration and said, "I KNOW how the letters look. I just want you to tell me what they are. I will write them myself." So I did just that, and he wrote them. Because I never required him to sit at a table and write out the letters, I had no idea that he even knew them. But all along, he has been watching and learning, on his own, because he obviously saw the value in knowing the letters. He chose to learn them!

The Lady of Shalott by John William Waterhouse
(an example of Pre-Raphaelite art)

Another example of our learning comes to mind. Just the other day, I was playing "house" with the kids. Ella decided that she was the mom, Liam wanted to be the 10-year-old "big boy" and they both wanted me to be the 3-year-old (Gavin, of course, was the baby). For some reason, it was the "olden days." Ella told me that there were no cars, no planes, and no wrapping paper or tissue paper for gifts. I added that there would have also been no microwaves, as she started to prepare a meal for the family. We talked more about the "olden days" and I suggested that the period she might be thinking of is the late 1800s. After a while, Ella asked me, "How do you know so much about the olden days?" I told her that I have read a lot of books, and watched documentaries. Incredulously, she asked, "Did you read those books when you were a kid?!?!" When I told her that I did indeed read many books as a kid, she decided that she better start reading some books right now. Fortunately, I had just unpacked a book about the Pre-Raphaelites, so I asked the kids if they wanted to look at it. We looked at the paintings in the book (which both kids discussed with more insight than I would have thought a preschooler capable of), and read some poems. I told them a little about the people and the time period, told them the story of The Lady of Shalott, and answered their questions as best I could. After a while, they decided they were done and wanted to play house again. It was a learning moment, but not a teaching moment. In school, they may have been required to draw a picture in the style of the Pre-Raphaelites, or analyze a poem (in later grades), but I think that would have taken away from the fun of it. They enjoyed looking at the book and talking about the olden days. They weren't looking for a lesson, but an experience. They enjoyed it far more than an episode of "Go Diego Go."

John Holt has said that all his work can be summed up in just two words: "Trust children." If we can trust that children know what is best for them, and allow them the freedom to pursue it, they will amaze us. I see it in my own kids already, and I am excited for what is yet to come. If Ella, at age 5, can decide to write a book about the heart and circulatory system (because it's fun!), what will she be doing at age 10? At 15? If she can teach herself to read, there's no reason she can't teach herself algebra, or biology, or whatever else she might be interested in.

And I have every confidence in the world that my children will continue to choose to learn.

how will they learn everything they need to know?

Whenever I talk to someone about our educational choices and methods, certain questions come up time after time. I plan to do a series of blog posts discussing the most common of these questions, mainly for those of you that I don't have the pleasure of talking to in person. If you ever do talk to me in person, however, I love discussing these issues, so ask away!

When I tell someone that we are home educating, they are usually enthusiastic at first, "Homeschooling? Good for you! Ella is so smart! She'll be able to whip through the curriculum in no time!" When I go on to explain that we're not really homeschooling, their enthusiasm usually drops a little. When I explain that we are taking a more natural approach to learning, that we will not be following a formal curriculum, and that the kids are going to be directing their own learning, the question that follows is usually something along the lines of, "If you don't tell them what to do, how are they going to learn everything they need to know?"

This questions holds the following assumption: there exists a set of facts which every person should know, and that without which, no person would be successful in life.

I don't blame anyone for making this assumption. The vast majority of us were schooled (either in a school building or at home) to believe that the things they were teaching us were of the utmost importance, and that we would not be successful in life if we didn't know these things. Think back on your own grade-school days. Do you actually remember anything you learned in elementary school? Do you remember any of the "facts" they taught you? Do you remember any of the answers to the reams of multiple-choice tests you took in high school?

I bet what you're thinking right now is, "Sure, I remember some of it! Not everything, of course, but I definitely learned some stuff!" Now think on this: what specifically do you remember? Do you remember anything from the subjects you had no interest in, or is most of what you remember from your favourite subjects? I would hazard a guess that for most of us, the things that stick with us through the years are the things that we enjoyed, the things that interested us, the things that were fun, the things that we found to be useful.

Let me give you an example. I was good at math. I didn't particularly enjoy it, but I got good grades. I did honours math in high school, and I even took "calculus for the biological sciences" in university. (To this day, I have no idea why I chose that course; I was not majoring in the biological sciences, I didn't love math, and the lectures were Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8:30am. I think I skipped most of the Friday lectures.) Now, at 31 years old, I wouldn't even be able to define calculus, let alone perform any calculations. I hardly remember anything from high school math. And I bet you can guess why: I didn't really enjoy it, so I learned it well enough to pass the test, and then I forgot it. No big deal, though, because I don't need to use any of what I "learned" in my real life. My husband, Joel, on the other hand, uses math every day in his work. He enjoyed it as a student, he took many math courses in university, and he remembers nearly everything he learned. It actually amazes me that he can recall formulas he learned 15 years ago and still know how to use them. But it makes sense: he enjoyed it, it interested him, and he now uses it on a daily basis.

I believe that there is no universal set of facts that every person needs to know. I firmly believe that what one person needs to know is different than another person's set of necessary facts. Sometimes vastly different. For Joel, higher-level mathematics was on his need-to-know list. For me, not so much.

Given the chance to pursue his or her own interests, I believe that every child will learn what he or she needs to know to become a successful adult. If a person has no interest in math, chances are he will not need to use much of it in his future career choice. Why would he choose a job he hated? So beyond basic calculations and concepts necessary for everyday life, why should he be forced to "learn" a bunch of concepts that he will later forget? Perhaps what he loves to do is write, and his personal journey is leading towards a career in journalism. Wouldn't his time be better spent reading, writing essays, putting together newspapers, producing his own news show, traveling, taking photos, talking to interesting people, perusing newspapers, doing crosswords, or interning at a magazine?

Don't get me wrong, here. I do believe there are some things that every person should learn. Everyone should know how to read and write. (In fact, one of my biggest pet peeves is poor grammar.) Everyone needs to understand basic math to get along in life. Everyone should know how to think critically, research source documents, and come to his or her own conclusions, rather than taking someone else's word for it (ironically, and unfortunately, this is not something that is taught in school). Everyone needs to learn how to learn, because as an adult, the facts you learned in school do not matter as much as the process you went through to learn them.

In conclusion, to answer the question, I am quite confident that my kids will learn everything they need to know. I am also confident that it will look different from what other kids learn, but that's just fine with me.