my kids play air hockey with God

On the iPad, when they are playing one player air hockey, my kids believe that God is playing with them. Liam is especially excited when he wins a game against God, because, as he puts it, "God is SO big but I beat him!" When they are having races around the house, they believe that God is racing with them. God usually wins. When they are jumping on the trampoline, I frequently hear them talking about how God wants to play this game or that game, or about how high God can jump. My kids love to play with God.

It is not uncommon for me to poke my head into Ella's room and find her reading the Bible. Sometimes it's the picture book version and she is reading stories to her younger brothers. Sometimes it is the "real" version and she is reading to herself about creation, or Noah, or some story she heard at church. I helped her figure out how to use the table of contents and the index so she could more easily find the stories she wanted to read. My kids love to read about God.

We have many conversations about God, what He's like, where He hangs out, what He wears, what He does, and what His preferences might be. Some of the conversations are about things like what His favourite colour might be, or what foods He likes best. But some of the conversations are so deep that I am left awestruck that a child so young can have such an understanding. One Easter, when Ella was 5 years old, we came home from church and started talking about the service (she had sat in the adult service instead of going to her class). At one point during the conversation, she told me that God was like an oven. I had no idea what she was talking about, until she explained that the oven has the stove on top and the oven underneath and the drawer at the bottom, just like God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. All three sections are different, but they are all part of the same appliance. I couldn't believe that a 5-year-old came up with that analogy on her own! My kids love to talk about God.

The relationship my kids have with God is real. It is their own. It is childlike.

In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." In Matthew 18:3, Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

I do not force the kids to read the Bible. I do not make them pray if they don't want to. We do not have a specific time every day when we all have to sit around the table and do a Bible study. I do not send them to Christian School or Wee College or Awanas or Sparks or any other program in hopes that they will learn the "basics" of Christianity. (Disclaimer: I went to most of those programs myself as a child and they are great. They work. I still remember many of the verses I memorized when I was 4 years old. Our kids might do these or other programs at some point in the future.)

What we have chosen to do, however, is include God in our everyday lives. We show the kids how to pray by doing it ourselves. We read the Bible with them whenever they ask. We answer their questions. And when we don't have the answers, we look them up together. We pray with them before bed, about the things that are important in their lives. We belong to an awesome church, and the kids are excited to go each week. We talk with them about how God wants us to live our lives. We talk about love, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, peace, joy, and all those good things. We try our best to live a life that is in line with the Word of God and that glorifies Him.

I love that my kids play with God. I don't want them to think that a relationship with God is just about church on Sunday, saying grace before dinner, and being forced to read the Bible every day. I want them to read the Bible, of course, but I want them to do it because they love to do it, not because I told them to. I want them to pray and talk to God because they have something to say to Him, and because they love Him, not because they have to do it before they get to eat. I don't want to hinder them from coming to Jesus in their own way. And many times I think that my own relationship with God would be much deeper if I could treat Him in the same way the kids do - as a close friend.

a word from God

Recently I attended a "Ladies Night Out" event at our new church. It was a crafting night. For any of you that know me well, this is kind of a big deal. I'm not the type of person who is comfortable in a large group of people, especially when I don't know most of them. And I'm definitely not crafty. Not even a little bit. (In fact, I recently went to a craft store and bought some cheap photo frames and spray paint, thinking that I would save a bunch of money by doing it myself...they are now in the trash.) So this event was the epitome of out-of-my-comfort-zone.

For the project, I had to look up the meaning of my name, and think about what it revealed about my character. I had always known that Naomi means pleasant and delightful. Pretty excellent name, right? But that evening, I found out that it also means holy. That kind of freaked me out at first. Holy? I'm not holy! I am sometimes pleasant (depending on the time of the month), often delightful, but holy? Hmm...maybe I would leave that one out of the craft.

I couldn't get it out of my head, though, so I started to think about what it means to be holy. Set apart. Not conforming to the world. These were some of the phrases that kept coming to mind, and I knew they were in the Bible somewhere. Later on, I did a search to find those phrases and found lots of verses, one of which was Romans 12:2 (NKJV): And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. The funny thing was, I had just written down that exact verse a few days earlier, but in a different version (NLT): Don't copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Huh. So maybe this is why God wanted me to go to Ladies Night Out.

I thought a lot about what God wanted to tell me through this verse, and it occurred to me that the lifestyle we have chosen is very "set apart" from the world. It seems like we have been questioning everything lately. Big things and little things. We have chosen not to be part of the school system because we knew that it was best for our kids and our family. We have chosen not to have Barbies in our house because we don't like they message they send young kids. We have chosen not to let our kids watch cable TV because we have witnessed how much it changes their behaviour and hinders their imagination. We have chosen to give our kids freedom to make their own decisions because we recognize that they are human beings with their own desires, just like any adult. We have chosen not to over-schedule our kids in activities and groups because we want them to have free time to play and just be kids. We have chosen to parent our kids in a gentle way (rather than using punishments, rewards and spankings to force them to obey), because we recognize that their needs and feelings are just as important as any adult's, and we want to treat them with respect so they will learn how to be respectful. So many of these choices are not the choices that other families would make. But I have realized that it's ok. Romans 12:2 tells us not to copy the behaviours of this world. For our family, that means making a lot of choices that might seem odd to other people.

I think God wanted to let me know that I'm on the right track. That I'm learning to know His will for me. His good, pleasing, and perfect will for ME. And that His will for me (and for our family) is going to look different than His will for other families. So I am happy to continue this journey, to keep learning, and to keep discovering what God has in store for us.

As a reminder and testament to what God is doing in our lives, I decided to make a poster of this verse. And since we all know how crafty I am, I designed it in photoshop and had it printed really big. It now hangs in our front hallway. Ella reads it every time we go out, so I hope it helps her realize that she doesn't need to copy the behaviours of this world, either.

unschooling explained - part 2

If you haven't read it yet, my post yesterday was all about the nuts and bolts of unschooling. I suggest you read that one before you start this one...

As I stated at the end of yesterday's post, there are so many benefits to unschooling that I hadn't even begun to discuss. Besides what the research says about the educational benefits of homeschooling, besides the social benefits of keeping your kids out of a flawed school system, there are "heart" benefits (for lack of a better word). What I'm talking about are those amazing moments you get to have with your kids every day, the lack of scheduling that results in a more relaxed lifestyle, the bond you get to form with your kids, the friendships they get to develop with each other, and so much more.

Let me start by sharing a few quotes from a study done by Dr. Peter Gray, which looked at unschooling families and their personal experiences. One of the open-ended questions he asked was, "What, for your family, have been the biggest benefits of unschooling?" The most common answers were: learning advantages for the child (57% of the respondents gave this answer), family closeness (57%), emotional and social advantages for the child (50%), and family freedom from the schooling schedule (36%). I find it so interesting that "family closeness" ranks just as high as educational benefits. Here are some of the quotes from real families about the benefits they have experienced from unschooling:

Enjoying a family-centered life rather than an institution-centered life has been the biggest benefit of unschooling.

I feel like I'm trying to answer a question about the benefits of breathing. We don't have to schedule, assume, judge, direct, or anxiously evaluate. We just get to enjoy each other.

Hands down, the relationship with our kids has flourished. We have never gone through the typical teen angst or rebellion so often touted as normal. I don't think it is. If you build up your family life where members work together and help one another, where the focus is on happy learning, it's hard NOT to get along and enjoy each other's company! Schools have an insidious way of pitting parents against kids and eroding the relationship that could flourish outside of that environment. When kids, and all people really, can relax and enjoy life and learn and pursue interests, they are happy. When people are happy, they get along better, they work together and inspire one another, learn from one another and grow stronger and healthier. All of that has spilled over into marriage life and all family relationships, including siblings. I knew without a doubt that the learning would happen and that it would be amazing! I didn't expect the stark difference in our relationship with our kids, as compared to what I thought it should be like by what I saw in other families with kids in school. 

The happiness and joy we experience every day is the biggest benefit. Our lives are essentially stress free since we are living our lives the way we want by making the choices that feel good for us. We have a very close relationship built on love, mutual trust, and mutual respect.

The peace, the joy, the trust between us far exceeds anything I imagined possible in parent/child relationships.

Our freedom as a family, the cooperative nature of our relationships and the trust between us that remains intact.

When we began our search for the "perfect school," one of my main anxieties was that when Ella started school, our family dynamics would change, she would start to view her peers as more important than her family, her personality would change as she tried to fit in with the other kids, and I would lose my sweet little girl. Since we made the decision to home educate, none of that concerns me anymore.

I know that as we continue to live and grow together, our relationships will deepen. I will be able to really know my kids. My kids will see each other not only as siblings, but as friends, which I'm confident will last a lifetime. My kids will not be as heavily influenced by their peers, so the values that are important to our family will be able to flourish in their lives. There will be a mutual respect in all our family relationships, as I give them the control to make decisions for themselves. There will be a trust that develops, as I trust them to learn and they trust me to help when necessary. We will be able to have fun together, without worrying about deadlines and workbooks and a certain number hours of teaching per week. We will be able to travel whenever we want, knowing how valuable the learning will be as we explore new places and new cultures. We will be able to relax and enjoy the little things in life, without worrying about morning bells, homework, or project deadlines. We will each have the time to pursue our own passions, as well as the time to help each other in those pursuits.

As I sit here and type, it is so difficult to put into words what having my kids at home really means to me, to our family. As I picture the life we have chosen, I get choked up just thinking about it. If you are a home educating family, you know what I'm talking about. My heart is filled with an immense peace. We are happy.

a week at our house

When I first heard about "unschooling," one of the things I was most curious about is what an unschooling family would actually do all day. I mean, if the kids are not going to school, and they are not doing a "school-at-home" type of curriculum, how do they spend their time?

What I found out was that unschooling looks different for every family. And unschooling looks different at different stages of a child's development. There's no one right way to do it. What I think most unschoolers would have in common is the desire to allow their kids the freedom to direct their own learning. Instead of being told by a school system when and how to learn "science," for example, an unschooler would learn "science" by exploring their interests. For my kids right now (at age 5 and 3), that means any of the following: observing animals in our backyard and documenting them with photos, looking at things through a microscope, googling anything and everything, watching a video of a paramecium, playing with a human body iPad app, visiting the dinosaur exhibit at Science World, watching dinosaur documentaries, reading book after book about dinosaurs, learning the names of dozens of dinosaurs, guessing whether an object will sink or float and then trying it out, going outside at night to look at stars, etc, etc. The list is endless. And the kids wouldn't tell you that they are "learning science." They are just playing, and doing things that interest them.

I don't tell them what to do every day. I don't have any "learning outcomes." I don't require them to read a certain number of books per week, or write a certain number of journal entries. I don't expect them to read by a certain age, know fractions by a certain age, handwrite by a certain age. I am not a teacher. I would consider myself a facilitator. I provide them with materials, I let them explore, I help them when they want me to. If there's something I think they might be interested in, I make suggestions. But if they aren't interested in what I suggest, I am willing to drop it. And even though I don't test them or grade them, I know they are learning, because I get to see it every day. Ella can read. Liam can use critical thinking to figure out how a rat might have died in the backyard. Ella can do addition and subtraction problems in her "math journal." Liam can write most of the alphabet. Ella can write about exciting things she did in her journal. (Even right now, as I type, I can hear Ella telling Liam, "My heart pumps my blood. And my lungs are right here, and they breathe.") The best part is that it is SO rewarding to see them actually choosing to do all of these things.

Mostly, though (since they are only 3 and 5), we play. Because at the end of each and every day, no matter where we've been or how much cool stuff we've done, when you ask my kids, "What was your favourite part of the day?" they always answer, "PLAYING!" And playing = learning, but more on that later.

But if you want to know what an actual unschooling week looks like, here is a typical week for us. Remember, though, that every family is different, every week is different, and our learning right now is appropriate for young kids so it will change as the kids grow. But this list can give you a general idea. It is taken from the informal journal that I keep for myself, so I can track what we're doing and what the kids are learning. Not because I am required to, but because I am curious to see how much my kids actually learn (because, after all, we are very new to this whole unschooling thing, and I want to make sure it works...so far so good). I don't write down everything they do, but I do make note of the activities that have the potential for some sort of learning to happen (of course, learning can happen anytime, and probably most of their learning happens through play when I'm not even around to see it). So here is what we did last week:

SUNDAY

• Ella & Liam helped to dig up weeds and rake the yard.
• Ella & Liam discovered earthworms in the backyard, and spent lots of time observing and holding them.
• Ella read a few books to Liam and me.
• Ella & Liam had a bedtime story.

MONDAY

• We went to the grocery store, and took Gavin for his first haircut.
• Ella & Liam played in the backyard.
• We went to the playground.
• We went for a walk around the neighbourhood.
• Ella & Liam had bedtime stories.

TUESDAY

• Ella read some books to me.
• Ella tried for quite some time to blow up a balloon.
• Ella went to ballet class.
• Liam looked at lots of books and told me stories to go with the pictures.
• Ella & Liam helped Joel fix his bike, and explored the garage.
• Ella & Liam had a bedtime story.

WEDNESDAY

• Ella finished the sudoku puzzle she had started a few days ago.
• We looked through all the photos of the backyard wildlife, used the internet to identify all the animals and learn a bit about them, and had the photos printed.
• Ella read a book in English and French.
• Ella & Liam made up a game in which jumping to different spots gives you different numbers of points, which equal different prizes.
• We built a fort in the playroom.
• We played Lego.
• Ella & Liam had a bedtime story.

THURSDAY

• We picked up the animal photos, and went to the grocery store.
• Ella & Liam helped me make an ice cream cake.
• Ella & Liam put the animal photos onto posterboard and wrote the names of the animals beside each of them.
• Ella & Liam had a bedtime story.

FRIDAY

• Ella did a whole sudoku puzzle.
• Ella & Liam presented their animal posters to the family that came over for dinner; they named and talked about the different animals.
• Ella & Liam had a bedtime story.

SATURDAY

• Ella went to the garden centre with her grandma, and then helped her plant the flowers.
• Liam played with the learning computer.
• Liam and I went to the playground.
• Ella & Liam had a bedtime story.

why did i start this blog?

We came to the decision to home educate only after a lot of research, prayer, thought, and advice. Our children's education and upbringing is not something we take lightly, so we wanted to make sure we had all the facts.  We know that the education system is flawed. We have learned about the dark history of compulsory education. We understand how boring it is to sit in a classroom all day. We know that we want to remain the primary influence in our children's lives. We know that tests and grades and busywork can kill a child's desire to learn. We know that the "socialization" that happens in school is not healthy.

To us, home education seems like a no-brainer.

But a recent post by a "facebook friend" caused me to truly understand that not everyone is going to support our decision to home educate our children. I suppose I already knew that not everyone would support it, but what I didn't realize was that people would insult, judge and stereotype at such a personal level.

But now I have come to the conclusion that people judge and stereotype because they don't really understand. I think most people are wary of things they don't know. Maybe most people think that the way they are doing things is the right way for everyone. So that is why I started this blog; to help people understand. I want to let people know how we are doing things, not because I think it is the right way for everyone, but just because a good friend of mine let me know how she was doing things, and it opened my eyes. And I'm so glad she did.

Read our story, and learn a little about unschooling, on the "why we unschool" page.