As I stated at the end of yesterday's post, there are so many benefits to unschooling that I hadn't even begun to discuss. Besides what the research says about the educational benefits of homeschooling, besides the social benefits of keeping your kids out of a flawed school system, there are "heart" benefits (for lack of a better word). What I'm talking about are those amazing moments you get to have with your kids every day, the lack of scheduling that results in a more relaxed lifestyle, the bond you get to form with your kids, the friendships they get to develop with each other, and so much more.
Let me start by sharing a few quotes from a study done by Dr. Peter Gray, which looked at unschooling families and their personal experiences. One of the open-ended questions he asked was, "What, for your family, have been the biggest benefits of unschooling?" The most common answers were: learning advantages for the child (57% of the respondents gave this answer), family closeness (57%), emotional and social advantages for the child (50%), and family freedom from the schooling schedule (36%). I find it so interesting that "family closeness" ranks just as high as educational benefits. Here are some of the quotes from real families about the benefits they have experienced from unschooling:
Enjoying a family-centered life rather than an institution-centered life has been the biggest benefit of unschooling.
I feel like I'm trying to answer a question about the benefits of breathing. We don't have to schedule, assume, judge, direct, or anxiously evaluate. We just get to enjoy each other.
Hands down, the relationship with our kids has flourished. We have never gone through the typical teen angst or rebellion so often touted as normal. I don't think it is. If you build up your family life where members work together and help one another, where the focus is on happy learning, it's hard NOT to get along and enjoy each other's company! Schools have an insidious way of pitting parents against kids and eroding the relationship that could flourish outside of that environment. When kids, and all people really, can relax and enjoy life and learn and pursue interests, they are happy. When people are happy, they get along better, they work together and inspire one another, learn from one another and grow stronger and healthier. All of that has spilled over into marriage life and all family relationships, including siblings. I knew without a doubt that the learning would happen and that it would be amazing! I didn't expect the stark difference in our relationship with our kids, as compared to what I thought it should be like by what I saw in other families with kids in school.
The happiness and joy we experience every day is the biggest benefit. Our lives are essentially stress free since we are living our lives the way we want by making the choices that feel good for us. We have a very close relationship built on love, mutual trust, and mutual respect.
The peace, the joy, the trust between us far exceeds anything I imagined possible in parent/child relationships.
Our freedom as a family, the cooperative nature of our relationships and the trust between us that remains intact.When we began our search for the "perfect school," one of my main anxieties was that when Ella started school, our family dynamics would change, she would start to view her peers as more important than her family, her personality would change as she tried to fit in with the other kids, and I would lose my sweet little girl. Since we made the decision to home educate, none of that concerns me anymore.
I know that as we continue to live and grow together, our relationships will deepen. I will be able to really know my kids. My kids will see each other not only as siblings, but as friends, which I'm confident will last a lifetime. My kids will not be as heavily influenced by their peers, so the values that are important to our family will be able to flourish in their lives. There will be a mutual respect in all our family relationships, as I give them the control to make decisions for themselves. There will be a trust that develops, as I trust them to learn and they trust me to help when necessary. We will be able to have fun together, without worrying about deadlines and workbooks and a certain number hours of teaching per week. We will be able to travel whenever we want, knowing how valuable the learning will be as we explore new places and new cultures. We will be able to relax and enjoy the little things in life, without worrying about morning bells, homework, or project deadlines. We will each have the time to pursue our own passions, as well as the time to help each other in those pursuits.
As I sit here and type, it is so difficult to put into words what having my kids at home really means to me, to our family. As I picture the life we have chosen, I get choked up just thinking about it. If you are a home educating family, you know what I'm talking about. My heart is filled with an immense peace. We are happy.
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