living and learning at our house

When I talk to people about our educational philosophy, it's easy to explain what we believe. Kids love to learn, they are naturally curious, and they are capable of learning without being told how or what to learn. They are human beings with their own ideas, desires, preferences, and interests, just like any adult. We trust our kids. We trust that they can and will learn everything they need to know. We know that learning happens all the time, everywhere. We believe that it's important for a person to learn how to learn rather than learn a set of facts. We believe it is important for kids to be included and immersed in their family and community, rather than be segregated with age-graded peers.

People usually listen, nod and say "mmm-hmm" a lot as I talk about all of this. But then they often ask what my kids actually do all day. For a lot of people, "homeschooling" brings to mind a mom and 5 kids all sitting around a kitchen table doing math, spelling and grammar out of various workbooks. But that is pretty much the exact opposite of what we do. Literally. It's hard enough to get them to sit in one place long enough to eat a meal, let alone do a boring workbook.

So here are some real-life concrete examples of how we have been spending our days recently:

One day last week, Liam noticed a spider dropping down over our table at lunchtime. It took all of my courage not to scream and jump out of my chair and/or skin. Instead, we watched the spider. It came down, walked around the table, and did the things that a spider does. The kids and I watched it for quite a while. They were fascinated when they saw how it could walk on the edge and the underside of the table. They loved how it could attach its silk to stuff and drop down. They observed closely, described its physical features, described its behaviours, and made inferences about why it was doing the things it was doing. Eventually we let it outside. But the spider sparked a discussion about scorpions, and Liam ran downstairs to get his toy scorpion. Ella examined it and wondered where its eyes were, so we looked it up on the internet. We learned about different species of scorpions, where they live, how they see/feel, and watched some cool videos. (The coolest was a scorpion having babies - did you know that scorpions are pregnant for 18 months? Then when the babies come out, they all climb up onto mama's back. They are actually pretty cute.) Those videos lead to other videos about tarantulas, and more questions about how they see, how they catch food, what they eat, where they live, and more. We all learned so much! When I asked the kids afterwards about the coolest thing we saw, I expected them to say that it was one of the videos or learning about an exotic creature. But both of them liked watching the real-life spider much more than the other stuff. They liked the thing that was real, and that they could actually experience, even though it wasn't as "cool" as the other animals on the videos. Interesting.

One afternoon, Ella asked if she could read to me. We sat on the couch and she read two chapters out of her novel while I listened. She's a very competent reader now, and doesn't need me there anymore to help her with the words, but it was nice that she wanted to share that time with me. She mostly reads on her own now, or reads out loud to her brothers, so it was also nice to hear her reading and have a proud mommy moment at how far she has progressed.

Liam had a birthday recently and was given the game Guess Who. The kids play all the time. When I listen to them playing, I am genuinely surprised at the questions they are able to come up with all on their own. I didn't realize how much logic they possessed!

A few days ago, Ella found a journal that she had started (and stopped) writing months ago. She flipped through it and got a kick out of the way she used to write and spell words, and then she decided that she would write in it again. So she went around to each member of the family, asked them some interview questions, and recorded their answers. She asked about favourite colours, favourite places to go, favourite things to do, and favourite animals. I like that she was able to recognize for herself how far her writing has progressed over the past few months. She realized that she was able to spell more words correctly now because she reads them all the time. I think she was pretty proud of herself.

We have been putting together a lot of lego sets recently. Joel helps the kids, but Ella is also pretty good at following the directions herself. Liam mostly likes to play with the finished creations. Both of them prefer the lego that doesn't come from a set, however. They like the freedom of being able to build whatever they want.

A couple of weeks ago, we put together two shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. The kids loved walking around the dollar store and picking out presents for their boxes. At home, we packed up the boxes, and the kids coloured pictures for the children who would receive them. We talked a lot about where the boxes might go, and what life is like for the kids who will get them. That night at bedtime, both Ella and Liam (independently of each other) asked if we could pray for the kid who will get their shoebox. Ella was especially concerned that the little girl might not like the gifts she picked. It was amazing to see how deeply they both cared about the kids who would receive these gifts.

Last week, a piano arrived at our house. Joel's parents gave us the piano that Joel had learned on as a child, so that our kids could have the same opportunity. They have been playing it almost nonstop since it got here (the only rule is that they can't play while Gavin is sleeping). They practice the things they learned in their lessons, and they also just sit and play. Ella is especially enjoying it. She is starting to make connections between the keys, their names, and how they are expressed on the music staff. Joel has been playing Christmas songs (yay!), and even I have been using it to brush up on my scales and learn the theme from Batman. I think I might start playing again, if I can find the time to practice.

We bundled up and went for a walk in the woods on one unusually sunny afternoon last week. The kids threw stuff into the creek to watch it float away. We went to the playground and met a new friend (whose dad, by the way, was wearing shorts...I felt a little overdressed in a long coat, mittens, a scarf, and a hat). The kids love to be outside. I try to take them out as much as we can, even though it can be difficult in this rainy fall weather.

Last night at bedtime, Ella asked how she might be able to see inside her own eye. I explained that it was impossible to see inside your own eye, and that eyes were designed for seeing things outside the body. But we talked about what's inside an eye, we looked at a diagram on the internet, and I told her about the time that I got to dissect a cow's eyeball. She was very interested in that, and now wants to dissect an eyeball herself. Anyone know where I might find an eyeball to cut up? Hmm...


I hope that gives you an idea of how we do life. We don't force our kids to do anything. We try to say "yes" as much as we can. We help them in their learning quests. We try to offer an environment rich with learning opportunities. We give them the freedom to decide what they want to do all day (for the most part - things like swimming lessons, gymnastics and ballet obviously happen at set times). As parents, we allow them to be part of our own everyday activities, even if that means our tasks will take longer or will be harder to clean up. We try to model the type of behaviours we hope they will learn - respect, love for each other, gratitude, a willingness to try new things, a love of learning, faith in God, good communication, and so many more. We spend as much time as we can talking with our kids, having real conversations, seeking their input, and listening to them. We spend a lot of time snuggling our kids (this may actually be my favourite part of home education).

Basically, we live our lives with our kids. We value God and family above everything else, and try to make sure our actions show this. Loving each other and working together are more important than learning facts, so we focus on that and the learning happens anyway. That's what living and learning at our house looks like.

a word from God

Recently I attended a "Ladies Night Out" event at our new church. It was a crafting night. For any of you that know me well, this is kind of a big deal. I'm not the type of person who is comfortable in a large group of people, especially when I don't know most of them. And I'm definitely not crafty. Not even a little bit. (In fact, I recently went to a craft store and bought some cheap photo frames and spray paint, thinking that I would save a bunch of money by doing it myself...they are now in the trash.) So this event was the epitome of out-of-my-comfort-zone.

For the project, I had to look up the meaning of my name, and think about what it revealed about my character. I had always known that Naomi means pleasant and delightful. Pretty excellent name, right? But that evening, I found out that it also means holy. That kind of freaked me out at first. Holy? I'm not holy! I am sometimes pleasant (depending on the time of the month), often delightful, but holy? Hmm...maybe I would leave that one out of the craft.

I couldn't get it out of my head, though, so I started to think about what it means to be holy. Set apart. Not conforming to the world. These were some of the phrases that kept coming to mind, and I knew they were in the Bible somewhere. Later on, I did a search to find those phrases and found lots of verses, one of which was Romans 12:2 (NKJV): And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. The funny thing was, I had just written down that exact verse a few days earlier, but in a different version (NLT): Don't copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Huh. So maybe this is why God wanted me to go to Ladies Night Out.

I thought a lot about what God wanted to tell me through this verse, and it occurred to me that the lifestyle we have chosen is very "set apart" from the world. It seems like we have been questioning everything lately. Big things and little things. We have chosen not to be part of the school system because we knew that it was best for our kids and our family. We have chosen not to have Barbies in our house because we don't like they message they send young kids. We have chosen not to let our kids watch cable TV because we have witnessed how much it changes their behaviour and hinders their imagination. We have chosen to give our kids freedom to make their own decisions because we recognize that they are human beings with their own desires, just like any adult. We have chosen not to over-schedule our kids in activities and groups because we want them to have free time to play and just be kids. We have chosen to parent our kids in a gentle way (rather than using punishments, rewards and spankings to force them to obey), because we recognize that their needs and feelings are just as important as any adult's, and we want to treat them with respect so they will learn how to be respectful. So many of these choices are not the choices that other families would make. But I have realized that it's ok. Romans 12:2 tells us not to copy the behaviours of this world. For our family, that means making a lot of choices that might seem odd to other people.

I think God wanted to let me know that I'm on the right track. That I'm learning to know His will for me. His good, pleasing, and perfect will for ME. And that His will for me (and for our family) is going to look different than His will for other families. So I am happy to continue this journey, to keep learning, and to keep discovering what God has in store for us.

As a reminder and testament to what God is doing in our lives, I decided to make a poster of this verse. And since we all know how crafty I am, I designed it in photoshop and had it printed really big. It now hangs in our front hallway. Ella reads it every time we go out, so I hope it helps her realize that she doesn't need to copy the behaviours of this world, either.

a stormy evening

This is not my photo, but it's awesome.

Last night there was a thunderstorm. It was about 4:30 and I should have been starting dinner, but how can you ignore a thunderstorm? How can you say "no" to three very excited kids who want to sit and watch?

So all three kids and I gathered in the living room, opened the blinds, turned out the lights, and watched the lightning. It was awesome! It was the first time that Liam could remember seeing lightning, so he was especially excited. And Gavin, at 19 months, sat looking out the window for over an hour! I couldn't believe how focused they all were!

As the storm progressed, naturally, they started asking questions about storms and lightning and how it all works. I was a little surprised at myself for not knowing the answers, so it's a good thing we have Google. We learned how the thunderclouds are formed, how the electricity builds up inside them, and how the lightning finds its way to the ground. We watched some amazing videos of lightning bolts (their favourite was a video of a tree being hit by lightning and burned up). We talked about what lightning can do to the things that it hits, and about storm safety. We all learned so much!

And then when Daddy came home, the kids were so excited to share their knowledge of storms and clouds and lightning with him.

I think the best part of the evening, however, was when Ella said to me, "I love to learn new things!" And then Liam asked, "Do you know what my favourite thing to learn is? The thing that is happening right now!" They are so excited to learn! They are so awed by the simple things that I have grown to take for granted. I love being able to see the world through their eyes: discovering, experiencing, learning.

We ate spaghetti with sauce from a jar that night. But it was worth it. Spending time experiencing the world with my kids beats making dinner any day.

our favourite iPad apps!

My kids love the iPad. LOVE. In fact, I would guess that they love the Apple store more than a 22-year-old hipster in skinny jeans and a scarf, simply because of the kids table with all the iPads to play on.

When I'm looking for a few minutes to get something done, the iPad is a great way to keep them busy, especially since they don't watch TV anymore, which used to be my go-to distraction. But the iPad is way better than TV, because on top of having fun, I know they are also learning lots while they use it! Since my kids love it so much, I figured I would share our favourite apps with all of you, in case you were looking for something "educational" for your kids to play with.

Disclaimer: my definition of "educational" might differ somewhat from the standard definition. Consider yourself warned. Also, I found these apps in the Canadian App Store. If you are located somewhere else, I don't know if they will be available in your App Store (or at what cost).

Fotopedia Wild Friends

Basically this app is just a collection of photos of different animals. Many of the animals are ones I've never heard of before, and the photographs are stunning. We like to play a game where we pull up a photo and each of us guesses what type of animal it is, and then we toggle on the photo's information and see who is closest. It seems easy, but most of the time we are wrong.
Cost: FREE

DK The Human Body
I think I might like this app more than the kids do. It is an overview of all the different systems inside the human body. The graphics are awesome and the definitions are great.. There are annotations that you can turn on or off. There are close-ups of certain body parts, such as the ear or eye. There are animations of how certain things work, such as the heart beating or a nerve impulse.
Cost: $6.99

Solar Walk
This app is SO COOL. It's the solar system that you can zoom in and out of. You can check out the planets, moons, sun, and even all the different satellites orbiting the earth. There are tons of facts and info about everything, and it's super easy to use. Not to mention the pleasant music that plays in the background as you float through our solar system. I highly recommend this app!
Cost: $2.99

Angry Birds

You're probably thinking that Angry Birds isn't very educational, right? Liam plays this one more than the rest of us, and he's getting pretty good. He has had to figure out how a slingshot works (the right angles to use, the right force to exert) in order to smash the pigs structures. He plans to build his own real-life Angry Birds with balls (that we have to paint like birds), a slingshot and some wooden blocks. Very cool!
Cost: $0.99

Sudoku
Ella plays this one more than anyone else. I am actually amazed at how quickly she figured it out and can now complete a puzzle on her own. I never would have guessed that a 5-year-old could do that, but she saw me playing and wanted to try it out. I told her the basic rules, and gave her some hints, and off she went!
Cost: FREE (or you can upgrade for $0.99)

Flow Free
In this game you have to connect different coloured "pipes" from one dot to another. The pipes can't cross other pipes and you have to cover the whole board. It takes quite a bit of planning and trial-and-error to get each puzzle figured out. The kids could play this one for hours if I would let them. In fact, I'm certain that I have wasted many hours playing this myself. And it's free! This is a great game.
Cost: FREE

Doodle Buddy

This is a drawing app. You can choose different types of brushes, colours and backgrounds. And there are even "stickers." You can also save your drawings. I really like that the kids can have complete creative freedom. There are plenty of colouring book apps out there, which they enjoy as well, but they really love to create their own masterpieces.
Cost: FREE

ABC Phonics
I'm a little surprised at myself for including this app, because it's much too "schoolish" for my tastes, but the kids love it. It's very simple - there is a list of animals on the side, you tap one, the name and picture of the animal pops up, a voice reads out the name of the animal, and you trace the name. That's it. I guess it teaches reading and writing? I don't know, but Liam spends a lot of time writing on this app.
Cost: FREE

SiriusXM
We LOVE our satellite radio. I don't think I could ever go back to regular radio, honestly. The kids love the station "Kids Place Live" and I actually like it, too. The songs are fun and, best of all, completely appropriate. They know all the words to all the songs, and I know it would be the same if we listened to pop music...and they definitely don't need to know the words to those songs. This app lets us play any satellite radio station over the iPad (or iPhone), so we will often hook it up to a set of speakers in the playroom and have a dance party. Fun!
Cost: FREE (but you need to have a SiriusXM subscription, which is about $15 per month)

So there you have it. I could go on and on, because there is so much great stuff out there, but I'll stop here (for now). Do you have any great apps that you want to share? Leave me a comment! I'd love to hear about them!

ella's workbook

When we went on our recent trip to Manitoba, Ella wanted to take a puzzle book with her. Since she had already completed every maze, word search, spot-the-difference, dot-to-dot, matching, and decoding puzzle in our house, we went out to buy her a new book. The one she chose was one of those schoolish workbooks, filled with activities to help you understand and practice what they are teaching at school. She chose the fattest one she could find, with three subjects in it: math, reading, and writing at the grade 1 level.

She did a few pages during the flight, but wasn't too into it. However, today she has spent a good chunk of the day engrossed in all the activities in the book. She whipped through the math section, skipping the pages that seemed boring or pointless. She was even faster through the reading section, reading the little passages, and answering all the questions. (Apparently, although not surprisingly, she is quite adept at reading comprehension.) Then she went to work on the writing section, practicing her upper- and lowercase letters on the dotted lines. Finally she quit the book and went to the playroom with Liam.

I've been thinking about this workbook a lot. At first, it made me kind of proud to watch her do it. It proved that Ella is capable of doing all the work required of first grade students. Sweet! I must be doing something right! But the more I thought about it, the more ridiculous this book seemed to me. As she was completing all the activities, I could tell that she wasn't actually learning anything. Literally. She was learning NOTHING.

For example, there were a lot of questions about money. The book showed pictures of all the coins, told what they are all worth, and gave little math problems like, "John has this much money, and spends this much on a gumball, so how much does he have left?" Well, Ella already knows money because she uses money in real life.

In the reading section, it showed examples of things you might come across in real life, such as a birthday invitation and grocery list, and asked several reading comprehension questions about each. That was easy for Ella because she regularly makes and uses grocery lists. She actually does come across these things all the time in real life.

She already understood the fractions because of all the baking we do. She didn't need to learn any of the words on the "sight words" reading list because she already knows all the sight words (and why wouldn't she - if you spend enough time reading, you get to know words like and, the, she and it really well). The reading comprehension was way too easy for her because she already spends most her waking hours reading and comprehending (and without being quizzed on it, too). The writing practice was kind of boring - what's the point in writing the same letter over and over? In fact, the more I thought about the book, the more I realized how pointless the whole thing was.

Why do we need to teach this stuff to kids at school? Every single thing covered in this "comprehensive" workbook is easily learned in real life. EVERY SINGLE THING. (If you don't believe me, I will gladly show you the book.) Ella didn't learn anything from the activities in the book because she had already learned these things just by living her life. I didn't sit down with her for a lesson on "sight words" before I let her read a book. That's absurd! I didn't give her a worksheet on fractions or make her do a bunch of pointless math problems. We baked cupcakes, we counted goldfish crackers, we sorted toys, we found patterns in nature, we counted by 5s and 10s just for fun, we discussed speed and distance while driving, we added up the number of girls and boys in a room, we found the math that's all around us. I didn't make her print letters over and over. She wrote stuff because she had something to say. She wrote real things: cards, grocery lists, her name, books.

However, as pointless as I think this workbook is, I learned something else today. Part of unschooling is allowing your child to learn what and how she wants to. For Ella today, that was doing a schoolish workbook. So even if it's not what I would have chosen for her, I had to respect her choice. And, I must admit, it was cool when I would see her read a page, think for a moment, and then decide that it was a pointless activity. (Kids at school just don't have that option.) And, I must also admit, it gave me a little piece of mind that she is actually learning stuff, even though she's not in a classroom.

why "early learning" doesn't help

I recently came across an interesting article from the Institute of Marriage and Family Canada. The article, called "Nurturing Children: Why 'early learning' doesn't help" is based on an interview with Dr. Gordon Neufeld, a Canadian developmental psychologist and best-selling author of Hold on to your kids: Why parents need to matter more than peers. (I haven't read his book yet, but it is definitely on my ever-growing "to read" list!)

The article is well worth reading in it's entirety, but to sum it up, Dr. Neufeld believes that kids don't need any sort of "early learning" until they are at least six years old - no daycare, no preschool, no junior kindergarten, no kindergarten. He says that parents put their kids into these sorts of programs under the impression that they need to be socialized, but Dr. Neufeld emphatically states, "Probably the greatest myth that has evolved is this idea that socializing with one's equals leads to socialization." Another developmental psychologist, Urie Bronfenbrenner has this to say: "It should be clear that being socialized is not necessarily the same as being civilized. Nazi youth were also products of a socialization process." The article defines socialization as "rendering children fit for society so that children can grow and mature into becoming contributing adults, who can respectfully interact with others in community, be it at work or home, with colleagues, family and friends....Socialization involves being able to get along with others while at the same time being true to oneself."

So then how does socialization happen? Attachment. We are social creatures, and it is important for us to have close relationships. It is through these relationships that we develop a sense of self, according to developmental psychologist John Bowlby. If children spend most of their time with peers, they become peer attached instead of developing a strong attachment to the adult(s) in their lives. If children create these peer attachments too early, they do not have a strong enough sense of self, and so are unable to hold on to their uniqueness. Peers become more and more alike, creating a "sameness" among children. Helen Ward (president of Kids First Parents Association) says that the problem with socializing at school is that "kid's 'friends' are not really 'friends' in any meaningful sense of the word. They are not mature people who can handle another's pain or difference of opinion. Peers want you to be the same as them."

Dr. Neufeld believes that the capacity for healthy relationships unfolds during the first six years of a person's life. He says that "by the fifth year of life, if everything is continuous and safe, then emotional intimacy begins. A child gives his heart to whomever he is attached to."

I, for one, would like my children to give their hearts to me. Before I even read this article or learned a whole lot about peer attachments, I knew that sending my kids to school would cause a change in our relationship. I just knew that sending our kids to daycares and preschools was something that I didn't want to do. Call it mother's intuition, or whatever, but I love that I now have research which backs up our decision to home educate! Because now I have a "legitimate" answer for anyone who asks me about socialization, or is worried that my kids aren't making enough friends.

The article also talks a bit to parents who are have already enrolled their kids in these types of "early learning" programs. If you have put your kid in early care because you think they need to be socialized,  Dr. Neufeld wants you to know that "this is not a researched reason to do so." For parents who need to have their kids in care because of full time employment, perhaps "unregulated" care in the home of a trusted adult would be better than a "one-size-fits-all" government regulated system, which is less personal and more distant from parents.

To this I would also add, perhaps you don't need to be employed at all. I stay at home to be with my kids. This means that we don't have fancy cars, we don't have a huge brand new house, we hardly ever go out to eat, we don't have cable, all our furniture is from Ikea or craigslist, we don't buy a lot of clothes, we don't go on expensive vacations, and we don't own a boat or trailer, but despite all this (or perhaps because of all this), we are happy. I know that there are many families who need two incomes to cover the basic necessities of life. I get it. But I also know that we have become a consumer culture, greedy for the newest and best of everything, so now both partners need to work to pay for all this stuff. Do we really need all this stuff?

I'm probably stepping on some toes here. But if you're mad at me, then at least I've got you thinking. And I'm ok with that.

away we go!

One of the most exciting things about unschooling, for our family, is the possibility of travel. Without being tied to a school schedule, or having to worry about Provincial Learning Outcomes, we are free to travel the world! I would love to save up some money, rent out our house, and just go for a year. How amazing would it be for our kids to experience other cultures, meet different people, learn new languages, try exotic foods, and make unforgettable family memories? Pretty amazing, I think!

Ella and I are going to start off our travel adventures next week with a trip to exciting Manitoba, Canada. I know, it's not China or Uganda or Ireland, but we have a very good reason for choosing Manitoba. We have the most amazing friends who moved there recently, and it just happened that the timing worked for both of us, and visa points could foot the bill, so away we go!

Ella is so excited to go on an airplane. The last time she took to the skies, she was 18 months old and doesn't remember a thing about it. Probably for the best, as she cried the entire way home from Toronto. Hopefully this flight goes a little better. And, of course, she is also beyond excited to spend time with her friends.

I am more nervous than excited, at least about the flight. I'm not afraid of flying or anything, but when your daughter has a life-threatening peanut allergy, it's pretty scary to be trapped thousands of miles away from a hospital with a hundred other people who are probably eating peanuts, peanut butter sandwiches, and peanut M&Ms. We are taking the necessary precautions, but the risk is still there.

For any of you who don't know us, Ella is about as allergic as a person can be to peanut. We're talking throat-swelling, unable-to-breathe, violently-vomiting, heart-stopping, possible-death allergic. We always carry at least two EpiPens anywhere we go, we have to be extremely careful about what she eats, and we have to control her environment, because literally a speck of peanut protein that enters her body can cause anaphylactic shock. So think about all the times you see people on flights popping nuts into their mouths and then touching the arm rest, tv screen, seat pocket, seatbelt, etc, etc, etc. Peanut protein everywhere!

But (and this is a big but) we are determined not to let her allergy dictate our lives. Sure, she has to be safe, and it makes "simple" things (like dinner out or an airplane ride) a lot more complicated, but that doesn't mean we can't do these things. It just takes more planning, research and caution than your average family. And if we're going to do as much travel as we are planning to, then we'll just have to get used to it!

So even though I am nervous, I am also beyond excited. The friends that we are going to visit are unschoolers, just like us. (In fact, these are the friends that introduced us to the whole idea of unschooling, which I wrote about in why we unschool.) And now that we've been on this journey for a little while, I am starting to realize how much we need people in our world who "get" us, and this wonderful family probably "gets" us better than anyone else. Other homeschool moms come close, but they still look at me with a mixture of confusion and doubt when I tell them that we don't go for the whole "school-at-home" thing. Other Christian parents share our faith, but they don't share our educational philosophies. Not that I can't be friends with these people, obviously! We love all our friends dearly and are so thankful for their friendship and support! But I've realized that it's also important for us to have people that we can discuss "unschooling things" with. People with whom we can share our fears, talk about milestones, share resources, discuss books, talk about ideas, discuss our educational philosophy, and offer support. So I am incredibly thankful for this opportunity to spend some quality time with my lovely friend! I just wish she lived closer so we could see them more often!

So in just one week, we'll be off! I'm sure we will both have fun, learn lots, and even be able to check "socialization" off our list for this week. ;)